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The pain engulfed me. Reluctantly, I struggled onto my feet. I knew I was going to be hit down again, but I could not show my pain. I knew if I did, weakness would be too prominent to hide. The monster stood a few feet over me. However, this is someone I know, or perhaps something I know. This monster was apparently my thoughts. Yet time after time again, I did not know how to approach and embrace this abstract thought, the thought of being outstanding, the thought of being able to socialise as well.
My insides were hurting as usual. Although no blood spurt out of my body, I had a feeling I have internal bleeding. However, this pain was not the usual types, where brutal force cause the injuries, this pain was due to the fact, I was beaten over and over again by this failure, the emotional pain. Hopefully, on my part, through this I was able to achieve my goal.
I know this seems a bit weird to start off, but I guess this is how I felt. It might not really make sense, but somehow I believe I am indeed a confused boy. Many times in our lives, we have met with areas where what we do must hit the nail on the head. By overdoing it, it will cause a failure, at the same time, by not putting enough effort, the goal also cannot be achieved. For example, understanding a person. Many times, we try to know someone better, how he acts and how he thinks, so we can approach and socialise with him better. In my case, this person is seemingly to be my Dad. Somehow, I can't really get to know him all that well. In my opinion, his temper seems to just go overboard sometimes, blinding with how he thinks. Sometimes, unknowingly, I just enter a trap, and do something wrong, after that, the attitude he has towards me would totally be different for the day. I am not sure if one should just comprimise so as to get closer to another (a better one), but I can't seem to bridge the gap. Of couse, I believe this happen to many others too. It is quite likely that many teenagers have confliticting ideas with their parents, and when things play out, the younger generation always seem to be in the wrong.
Yet, this somehow would lead to the break in communication, damaging a whole chain of other areas like in attitudes towards each other. Thus, this makes me wonder once again, how I should attempt or tackle this problem itself.
Another puch landed again. There was no need to scream, screaming did no cure, it just worsen the pain on the inside. Indeed, it did seem hopeless. Getting to know someone just seems so foreign at this point of time. When you move closer, they move away. In some way, I knew my Dad was trying to mend the problem himself. I have faith that he is thinking about it as much as I am. But yet, with both of us putting effort, things are still not coming together. Is this the way it was meant to be? There has to be a weak point within this hideous creature of my abstract thoughts. I know many have said it was within the heart of ourselves, but yet I do not know how to apply, to bridge that forever-widening gap. I knew the confidence level of myself will go on decreasing with each blow. I had no defence, just my heart and soul.
I was however, worrying yet about another problem, one that might lead to the resolve of our contridicting views. This person I was thinking about was Kari from the Japanese animated series of Digimon. There was quite something special about her. She was the sole person who always comprimises for everyone else. This I guess would be what everyone hopes for in others. But somehow, the sad truth is that, people will take advantage of others with similar personalities of Kari.
Yet without people like her, there would be no remedy for cold wars. Without people like her to be a kind-hearted soul, there would not be any love in the world... Suddenly, a fist hit my face. I had been hit again but now I was left confused, lying on the ground. There did not seem to be any positive image, nothing where I could draw hope for. Yet, these are the times that were the most crucial, the most important. I started evaluating. I knew there had to be a solution, and hence I pressed myself for it. People usually never sacrifice their own personal gains for others to pass, so as to comprimise for others, yet without this people could never live hand-in-hand. I knew what I had to do.
Right at this moment, the creature where I had so feared suddenly stood frozen in its steps. The puch that I was waiting for never came. I knew I had thought and believed in the right thing. I quickly dismissed the thought, going around the creature to reach and go pass the door where I had wanted to pass ages ago. There could have been no doubt. My hands tighten around the knob. It was either this or the creature. The choices I was left was limited. I immediately moved the muscles in my fingers and went through the door hoping for a better realtionship and a better future.P.S. Please do not mistaken!! My Dad did not punch me at either time... (: This essay-like post (xD) is meant to form a picture like I am in a battle. Not with my Dad, but with my thoughts. Its meant to be like a struggle. =D