It was just that within this week, it has made me question my own survival: to be in a popular group, to be in a 'emotional and down' group or to be in a 'self-happy' group.

And fortunately, I have came to a decision! However, I shall describe my thoughts during the search for that answer...

I always thought that humanity was questionable. We are always confused... Our emotions deter with what is happening around us - it has never ever really settled! We switch in order to accommodate to our surroundings with respect to our personalities. However, there is always a factor that somehow plays that significant role - that factor, is friendship. 

This week has been bittersweet. During the weekend, I have probably experienced the pinnacle of life with a few of my friends where we have been out till late for both days (which was really exciting, cause I hardly have this kind of opportunity) and yet on the other hand, at school I haven't been enjoying what I have had hoped. It had been emotionally demanding, but perhaps I have lived through it. However, what was running through my head was that, "I was perhaps going to experience something worse next time." which was horrid! To have the best of life and the worse in just a month... has left me utterly speechless as it has continually tugged me to question what life would I like to live. 

Many probably have come to this crossroad before and many probably would have been hesitant, since it would be a decision of a lifetime. And now it has been my turn. I have experienced both the good and the bad, the best and the worst (hopefully) on the face of friendship and life. To be able to fit in was difficult since being extrovert has been tough. It requires confidence and a somewhat funny bone, both of which, I have found hard to bring... It was not something I was born naturally with and something that takes years to master. In my journey to master it, I have attempted to learn the art of communication and the way to portray a good impression, but yet, I have not been able to apply. As what teachers have always said in lessons "Application of knowledge is the most important", and it has been true on this social plane. Hence, this brings me back to the question: "What kind of life do I want to lead?" Definitely it would not be a roller coaster type (although I have found it most exciting, but I feel that living in this kind of world lacks control and stability), however, I would settle for it if all my other options has been cancelled out.... But are they? Seriously speaking... living life IS hard. It's hard to follow what persona we are living up to, the character we are playing and most of all our own personalities. In addition, we have to make ourselves satisfied with what we do! *Gosh... the little time and the many things to think about!!*

Being rudely interrupted, the question demands an answer again:" What are you going to do?" So what AM I going to do? It is indeed my life and I would love very much to pursue that popular and late night lifestyle... but could I keep up with the other things I have to be bothered about? No. I simply couldn't juggle things like others can, but there is something I can do - to improvise. Although I have to sacrifice the all-time fun, but I guess I could settle for second best. I could be that 'emo' guy, but yet that 'sort of fun' person too... Which finally brings me down to a final answer: To be myself. I would be the happiest when I could have the freedom of choice, where I could just act normally... And hopefully I am able to keep that normal person up eh? If not, I am in serious trouble!! xDD